Right to Marriage?

by Christine
Today I received a personal message on Facebook from a long time friend from France.
This friend has 4 grown children, but he has never married and has lived his whole adult life in cohabitation. He's always been on the far left side, ecologist, rebellious to any faith, religion, law, etc.. A pure product from 1968 who stayed stuck there.
His message was a "comic" showing 2 men hand in hand saying:
"It is sad that nowadays people demonstrate not to gain rights but to make sure other people do not get rights."
It made me really sad... but after all, what does he know about marriage?
He has always seen marriage as an alienating institution, an absurd and outdated heritage from a traditionalist society. Our French president, by the way, must think the same with 5 children from 2 different women he never married, and living now with a not-yet-divorced woman! Isn't it paradoxical to hear them support "gay marriage?" Why would someone who has always rejected marriage defend and support "gay marriage?" "Gay marriage" is NOT marriage, it just mimics marriage. And we know well that anything that mimics something good has evil roots.
We are often accused of 'intolerance.' Yet those who prone "tolerance" are the ones who rudely and aggressively throw garbage at us for speaking the truth. Marriage cannot be reduced to a mere legal right.

Tous pour le Mariage Facebook profile picture

The same day, we also received a short video of a drunkard at the French demonstration who was yelling: "A father, a mother, it's not complicated! IT'S NATURAL! Everybody wants a father and a mother! I want a father and a mother! I'm not going to go home and say Hi dad! Hi dad! Everybody wants a home with a dad AND a mom!..." In his drunkenness he was much wiser than our ecologist friend who should at least understand the "natural" aspect of the whole thing.

Still the same day, I received another short note, from a French psychoanalyst friend this time:
"The probable unconscious fantasy of homosexuals is a fantasy of omnipotence. To get married you need two different people. Or getting married with the same is like getting married with oneself. It says I refuse to be in need of another..."

The question of equal rights is for the "feel good-do good" and it causes much damage. As I said above, marriage is not a question of rights, and deep in our hearts, we all know it.
So what is behind all this? As Gilles Bernheim says: the goal is to undermine the foundations of the individual and the family.
I guess our civilization is on the verge of disappearing.  It's not rocket-science, just look back at the Greeks and the Romans... "When anthropologist J. D. Unwin studied the origins and development of eighty civilizations, he discovered a profound connection between the vitality of a society and the strength of its marriages and families. He concluded that any society that did not direct its sexual energies toward the good of marriage and family would not last." (Jason Evert-2004- citing Donald DeMarco, 1999)

Notre-Dame Cathedral, Paris

For those of you who speak French, here is the complete essay from Gilles Bernheim, Chief Rabbi of France.

Go France!

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By Christine

ONE MILLION gathered in Paris today to protest against gay marriage!
I hadn’t been proud of my home country in a long time! Today I truly am!

Not long ago, one of my Goddaughters asked me on Facebook: “tell, me, my dear God Mother, what are your reasons against gay marriage?”
I answered, warning her that it couldn’t be a short answer…
Now I know better! It can be a short answer (at least at first)! And it doesn’t even have to be a “religious” answer (again, at first).
As Rabi Gilles Bernheim says, “it is not because people love each other that they systematically have the right to get married! For example, a man cannot marry an already married woman, even if they love each other. A woman cannot marry two men under the motives that she loves both and both want to be her husband. Or a father cannot marry his daughter even if their love is only paternal and filial! Even in the name of equality, tolerance, the fight against discrimination, and other principles, we cannot give the right to marriage to all those who love each other.”

Marriage is not only the public recognition of two people who love each other, or “the public recognition of a committed relationship between a man and a woman (or two adults) for their fulfillment.” says William May
As the USCCB declared on December 6th, 2012, marriage is, “the universal institution that unites a man and a woman with each other and with the children born from their union.” (Emphasis added).

Gay marriage wouldn’t take into account the fundamental right of children to have a mother AND a father, to know their roots, where they come from; in short, it would deliberately deny children their right to their identity, and, from that, to their psychological equilibrium. It doesn’t mean that a homosexual couple cannot be loving, or that they aren't capable of raising children. But they cannot give what they do not have. And what they do not have is essential to the good development of any child. Love is not enough. Love doesn’t give all of the basic psychological structures any child needs to know his/her genealogy in order to position himself/herself as an individual.

From the beginning of humanity and until the end of time, we are born male or female, in a chain of generations, and no one can ever change this!

Go France!

Happy New Year!

By Mattie

Hello,

It's been quiet around here, hasn't it?!
Well we are enjoying this season as much as we can between bouts of stomach flu with all that it has to offer! But mainly peace and quiet at home, near the roaring stove....
So instead of my monthly liturgical post, I will keep it sweet and short.

Our families have two traditions to begin the New Year right. First, we write a letter to the Blessed Mother, second, we are chosen by a saint who will travel with us throughout the year.

Letter to the Blessed Mother

Every year on New Year's Day, after going to Mass (it IS a Holy Day of obligation, you know), we write a letter to Mary. What kind of letter? Any kind you want! Mainly it is a letter to thank her for the blessings of the previous year, and to entrust our dreams, needs and desires for the coming year. Write it just as you would write to your mother, entrusting everything to her.
So that's the ideal version, but you really have all of January to do it ;) Even though I was quite late in bringing you this tradition, you can still do it!

Then what do you do with the letter? We place ours underneath our statue of Mary and re-open it on the next New Year's Eve. When you open it again, you will be amazed by how much Mary will have blessed you!


The Year with a Saint

So what do I mean by being chosen by a saint? No, I promise I haven't enjoyed too much eggnog!
Every New Year's Eve, after a small family prayer to bring the year to a close, we pass around a basket. One by one, each of us picks out a slip of paper. On that piece of paper is a quote from a saint. It is a quote to live up to for a year, and a saint to discover and befriend, to help you walk closer to God and grow in holiness.
Oh, and a head's up! The quote will usually be dead on! Dead on something you know you need to work on!

Here it is: printable saints quotes PDF
The best is to print it on sheets of business cards.

all the saints by Fra Angelico

Another source to discover a new saint is this very fun website: Saint's Name Generator
And again, yes, you have all of January! We actually keep the basket with the extra quotes for any guests that come visit in January.

Well happy New Year again! Enjoy it and make it holy!

Merry Christmas!

The CatholicMarriagePrep.com team wishes you a very merry and bright Christmas!

May the light of Christ shine in your lives throughout the New Year!

Christine and Christian, Moses and Mattie, Karen and Deano, 

Gordon and Mary, Sarah and Ryan, Amber and Greg, 

Carmen y Rudy, Maura and Pete, Dan and Maria, 

Ryan and Mary Rose, Jehanne et Olivier

 

 (we'll be back for the New Year!)

The Sacrament of Reconciliation in 6 minutes

Just on time to be ready for Christmas!

About Spanking

Today we received this question from a couple:
"I have a follow up question about spanking. The extra reading was against spanking and made the argument based on spiritual beliefs.
I was raised Catholic as was my mom, cousins, and uncles. We were all spanked.
What is your stance on spanking and can you share some personal experiences with us (of you as a child and as a parent)?
One last thing. If its "wrong" to spank according to the church, why did nuns in school slap kids on the hands with rulers?
Thanks for the extra input!"
Johnny

Gabriel, one of our grandsons

Hello Johnny!
A very good question indeed! Here is what I would say about spanking: I believe it should be avoided at all costs!
It can happen, of course, as an accident, because we are only human! But violence in any form is never a good way to raise kids, or to solve problems. Often, it appears more like a confession that we are not able to handle the situation. It is NOT a parenting method.
If it does happen, as it's bound to, when things cool down, we should always go back to the child and apologize, explaining that we lost our temper, that it is never right to hurt someone, that we are sorry, etc...
As a parent, I did happen to spank my daughters. I always felt miserable afterwards, and apologized each time.

Some people argue that you should spank calmly and never when you are angry. I have NEVER seen this happen. I believe it's what people would like to have happen, but sadly it doesn't work that way.

Spanking can be received by the child as the following message: it is OK to hurt someone when they upset you. Spanking can also push the child to lying and hiding his misbehavior, or blaming others.

A famous and popular French story about spanking

I remember from my childhood that any spanking I received didn't do me any good. It just triggered in me a lot of anger and rebellion. It made me fear my father. I resented him very much, it pushed us apart (and I cannot say that he spanked me a lot!). I never went to him to confide anything, but I would go to my mother, who didn't spank. Spanking never increases love, trust, or respect. On the contrary!

I have a friend who even had nightmares about her father because of the spanking! My friend was so afraid of her father that even later in life, when she was 19 and became pregnant out of wedlock, she didn't have the guts to tell him, and had an abortion (I'm not saying that she didn't have her share of responsibility in this of course).

So yes, spanking can have very serious consequences and I would never recommend it! It usually shuts down an opportunity for dialog. It is not a constructive way of handling a situation.

Samuel, one of our grandsons

As for the nuns slapping children's hands, I have never agreed with that method, and firmly believe that what they did was very wrong. Just because they were nuns, doesn't make what they did right. In those days, many people took the verse "Spare the rod, spoil the child," literally. It was a trend, and was misinterpreted as you saw in the document. 

"The Old Testament does have two references to corporal punishment, which are the mainstay of its proponents' biblical defense. These are Proverbs 23:13 and Sirach 30:1-3. (In some translations, such as the N.A.B., the Sirach verse refers to discipline and education.) Yet, even Proverbs, taken by itself, is questionable, particularly when viewed as the rationale for a parent's disciplinary foundation."


"I say these references are questionable because contextual interpreters of the bible (Catholic scholars - as opposed to literal interpreters) wonder if "rod" is not used metaphorically, as in a shepherd's rod. A shepherd would never beat his sheep - they are too precious and delicate. Also, could a "rod of violence" be used to bring comfort, as in "Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me." God's truths do not contradict each other. A shepherd uses his rod to gently guide his flock - not to strike them. (A note on sheep husbandry: it is known that the fright of sudden noise alone can induce in sheep a shock which suppresses fertility. A sheep's guardian, whose job it is to protect the economic value of his herd, is aware of the sensitivity of his flock's constitution.)"

"Rod" may also be understood as a unit of measure that figuratively refers to the Torah (like our term "scales of justice"). In other words, we can interpret the proverb: "Spare your child the 'rod' (the Torah), and they won't 'measure up.'" Gregory K. Popcak, MSW, LCSW www.exceptionalmarriages.com

Now I know advocates of spanking whose children have grown into great adults, too. It is just that for me, it is not a parenting method, just an accident that should be avoided.

I hope this answered all of your questions! Thank you for your interest in this issue! It is a very important one!

Christine

Theology of the Body in 14 minutes