Healing in the Sacrament, Part 1

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By Christine

Sacramental marriage is losing ground. 

Tying the knot

In the last 35 years, the amount of people getting married in a church has dropped 70%, and continues to decline by 5% each year. More and more young couples prefer cohabitation to a church wedding. It seems like marriage is only attractive to homosexuals now!

In our own family, most of our nephews and nieces, and even one of our daughters, have settled for cohabitation. What is their motive? Fear of the life-commitment? Rejection of the Church and institutions in general? Fear of divorce? They can’t even say they want to be different because everybody cohabitates! The ones who are different are the ones who marry.

I want to scream at them that what they reject is exactly what could make them happy; happy beyond anything they could imagine! What they reject is precisely what they long for. They have preconceived ideas about marriage, clichés that are conveyed by our culture. If they only knew what the grace of the Sacrament of Matrimony represents. They’re all enthusiastic about superhero movies, special effects defying all natural laws, magic, and the extraordinary, but they don’t know that the grace of the Sacrament of Matrimony beats them all!

Avengers: http://picsmixer.blogspot.com/2012/05/blog-post_08.html

I feel compelled to write about it, to yell on the rooftops that Christ’s grace is incredibly powerful, efficient in very concrete ways, and the best thing that can ever happen to anyone! I can affirm it because Christian and I experience it daily in our marriage! I want everyone to know that marriage rocks!

Of course, we didn’t know much about marriage either when we said yes on July 2^nd, 1977. We didn’t receive any marriage preparation and had been cohabiting for almost three years. Still, we didn’t think cohabiting could be a permanent solution, and we wanted to seal our love in marriage. We wanted to have children, and we instinctively knew that only a Catholic marriage would give our family the solid foundations it would need.

July 2nd, 1977

Now, 35 years later, we are in awe at what Christ accomplished in our relationship.

We wrote about the day we met on November 27^th, 1974. What we haven’t told you yet, is how broken and wounded we both were, and how we added to our brokenness through our three years of cohabiting. 

Christian and his mother

Me as a girl scout

Christian had lost his mother to cancer just the year before; his girlfriend had aborted their baby without even giving him a choice, a few months later. For me, I was craving to be loved. My year as an exchange student in Indiana had messed my moral and spiritual compass up. Everything I had believed in before Indiana was shaken. 

I had dreamt of giving myself only to the one who would be my husband. I had dreamt of strong Catholic values, and even though the dreams were still deep inside me, my actions had twisted everything upside down. This is who we were when we met: two hurt and lost kids! (to be continued).  

Instructors Interview: How Did You Meet?

Ryan and Sarah, part II

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Shrimping off the coast of Biloxi

Ryan:  After a summer of falling in love, our future was uncertain as we faced a 2,000-mile-wide, long-distance relationship.  As we said our goodbyes on campus, I didn't have a good feeling.  Something was off.  Maybe she didn't feel the same way I did?  I headed to Illinois, where my friends and family had planned a going-away party.  I walked in to an awkward silence and very strange stares.  I eventually saw the reason.  I was shocked to see Sarah standing there!  She had gone to great lengths to surprise me!  This explained our awkward “goodbye,” and looking back at that snapshot in time when I saw her standing there, I can say this was the moment I knew I would marry her.  God had revealed my real dream job (teaching), but also threw in my dream girl while He was at it.

A quick side story:  On my journey to Los Angeles I stopped in Denver to meet Sarah's sister and brother-in-law.  We met at Coors Field for a Rockies game, after which I was to drive toward my next stop in Phoenix.  Plans changed.  After the game, I discovered that my guardian angel fell asleep on the job.  My car – packed with everything I owned – had been stolen!  I ended up staying with Sarah's family for a week.  When Sarah called after her first day of school, she was surprised to find out that I was not in Phoenix, but sitting on her sister's porch in Denver.  She was even more confused when informed that I was also wearing her brother-in-law's underwear!  There was no turning back now; I was officially part of the family!

In September, we both flew back to South Bend for a football game.

It was sitting at small table at O'Hare International Airport, waiting for our return flights, when Sarah looked at me with this quirky half-grin and said, “I think we are going to get married some day.”  The chills I get thinking about that moment are just as real now as they were then.

Sarah:  At one point, Ryan asked what kind of ring I liked.  So I gave him a not-so-subtle hint:  a picture torn from a magazine!  We planned to get engaged by early March of 2006, before “Basilica Monday.”  The first Monday in March, the Basilica of the Sacred Heart on the campus at Notre Dame opens up wedding reservations for the following calendar year.  I was sure a proposal would come at Christmas, since we had no plans to see each other again before March.  While finishing Christmas shopping at the mall, much to my dismay, Ryan suggested we go look at rings.  What?!  He hasn't even looked at rings yet?!  What happened to our plan? 

Ryan:  I was playing dumb.  I already had the ring, and the plans for proposal were in place.   I wanted to surprise her when she least expected it, as she had done for me.  On Christmas, I asked for her dad's blessing and told him of my plans for a surprise visit to Mississippi in late January.  I enlisted the help of a friend who travels a lot for work to get Sarah to the airport.  She  “had a layover  in Gulfport” and asked Sarah to meet her there for a cup of coffee.  Sarah's plans to show up wavered on and off several times, causing me much anxiety.  That week, her car broke down, and there were no rental cars available thanks to Hurricane Katrina.  Her parents and I encouraged her to borrow a house mate's car, but she “felt bad” doing so.  Through gritted teeth I said, “I don't think they'll mind.”  The night before, she told me how jealous she was that her roommate's boyfriend was coming to visit that weekend.  Little did she know, I was packing my bag as we spoke.  I flew overnight with a layover in Texas.  In the morning, Sarah expected our friend Meg to walk out, but was shocked to see me instead.  The look on her face was priceless!  I pulled out the ring – custom-made to match the picture (I wasn't taking any chances) – and dropped to one knee right there.  Thank the Lord for airports (and cell phones) during our long-distance relationship.  In the middle of one airport she had told me we would get married; in the middle of another, I made her prediction come true.

Sarah:  The night before our wedding, Ryan had one more surprise up his sleeve.  At our rehearsal dinner we exchanged presents.  Mine was large and flat.  I opened it up, a beautifully framed photo of the two of us – that I had never seen before.  It was from the moment of his proposal! Ryan had hired a “sniper” photographer to be at the airport and take (over 50) photos of our engagement.  He kept it secret for 18 months!  This was a surprise that would be hard to top!

Here is a link, which includes a video of me opening this surprise present.

Instructors Interview: How Did You Meet?

by Ryan and Sarah, 1st part

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Ryan:  It was March 12, 2004 – my birthday.  I ran to the mailbox expecting a thick envelope from Notre Dame accepting me into their Alliance for Catholic Education (ACE) program.  Nothing.  Disappointed, I went into my apartment, hit play on my answering machine, and half listened to a series of birthday wishes.  The last one grabbed my attention:  “Happy Birthday, Ryan!  This is the principal at St. Marianne School.  Just calling to wish you a happy birthday and tell you how excited we are to welcome you to the City of Angels this fall.”  So I was accepted after all!  I would be quitting (what I once considered) my “dream job” as an internal auditor at the University of Notre Dame in order to answer God's call to the vocation of teaching.  After taking summer classes, my guardian angel would accompany me to the “City of Angels,” where 32 fourth graders awaited my arrival.  “This is big,” I thought.  But little did I know, God was orchestrating something even bigger.

4th grade in L.A. after soccer practice

Sarah:  I was preparing to graduate from college with a degree in education but felt the call to service.  Notre Dame's ACE program seemed to be a perfect fit.   

It would allow me to serve in an under-resourced Catholic school while still beginning my teaching career and, as an added bonus, I would be earning my Master's degree as well.  I had applied and interviewed and was simply waiting for notice.  Because I was not the typical candidate (I would already have a degree in education), I was a little concerned about my chances.  Spring break arrived.  I played on my university's tennis team and we were leaving for a trip to Hilton Head Island for a week of matches.  Just as I started to get in the shower, one of my roommates yelled that the mail had arrived and I had a packet.  I only had about 30 minutes to make the team van but I raced downstairs to see what awaited me.  I was accepted to the program and felt so grateful for the chance to fulfill my heart's desire of teaching and service.  What I didn't know was that letter would also be the start of another “call” from God. 

Ryan:  In late April, ACE hosted a weekend retreat for the new class and their principals.  After a weekend full of meetings and social events, I was sure I had met everyone.  The final event was a Sunday brunch in the North Dining Hall.  I got up from my table to head toward the buffet, when I spotted her.  She was sitting alone, waiting for the rest of her table to return with their food.  I thought, “Wait!  Who is that?!  Why haven't I met her?”  She was beautiful and had a mature, poised presence about her.  She seemed older than the other “ACErs”.  (Keep in mind, I was the “old guy”.  Most were right out of undergrad, while I had been out for 6 years.)  But that was the end of the weekend, and I would have to wait another month to find out the identity of this mystery girl.  The first day of classes, I made it a priority to figure it out.  Her name was Sarah, and she would be teaching in Biloxi, Mississippi.  Perfect!  My randomly assigned summer roomate was also headed to the Biloxi community.  There's my in!

Our whole "carpool" group

Sarah:  ACE Summer began and it was a full load.  As “first years” (it was a two year program) we not only had to take plenty of classes but also complete student teaching.  Besides having every single class together, Ryan and I were assigned the same school for our student teaching.  There were a total of five of us at the school and we would take turns driving each day so we could all carpool.  Naturally, when you spend required teaching and class time with people, you also start eating meals and socializing with them.  Meals would end and everyone would be outside the dining hall talking and suddenly Ryan and I would find ourselves alone, still chatting on the steps.  Ryan wanted to see how he matched up with a Division I tennis player and challenged me to a match (he lost and still does every time we play!).  I was also an avid runner.  He pretended to enjoy jogging as well and actually went with me one day (8 years later, that is still the ONLY time he has jogged with me!).  One night I had to go pick up my car from my parents house.  I asked Ryan to give me a ride half way there.  Halfway turned into having dinner at my parents house, meeting them for the first time, and a movie – our first date!  Surprisingly, after taking him to my parents house on our first date, Ryan asked me to “go out” again.  Eventually, we found ourselves spending some time near the gorgeous Our Lady of Lourdes replica grotto on campus.  It was here, under the watchful eye of our Blessed Mother, where we had our first kiss. (to be continued...)

Our first photo

Paid Forward!

By Christian (photos by Christine)

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I don’t know if you have ever been to San Luis, Colorado in the San Luis valley.
It’s the oldest town in Colorado, registered in 1851. Mainly Hispanic settlers used to live there.
Population today is about 600.

Stations of the Cross, San Luis

There are beautiful Stations of the Cross going up to a Chapel, rightly called the Shrine of the Stations of the Cross on top of a hill. There is another great Church ‘down town’ with a bed and breakfast attached, the Convent.

The convent

Then you have Main Street with two gas stations at both ends, and one cantina.
It was the very beginning of April when we went there, very few tourists, Main Street was kind of deserted.

We had an 18 years old French friend visiting us and we wanted to show her a bit of deep Colorado. Friends of ours had lent us their adobe house for the weekend and we had just arrived and wanted to eat.
We entered the cantina,  where only two tables were taken, one with four or six farm hands who stopped eating when we entered with our three teenage girls,  and another table with two Anglo couples sitting a bit in the back of the dining room.

It was kind of late in the afternoon; we ordered, blessed the table, made the Sign of the Cross as usual, and enjoyed our meal. The farm hands left their table, still staring at the girls, their lower jaws still hanging, and then the two Anglo couples also left the cantina. We realized that we were the only customers left and that it was maybe time for us to ask for the check and leave too.
So I asked the nice lady at the cash register for the check and she answered: “It’s been taken care of”. Her answer didn’t bother me since I am used to the fact that people don’t understand me when I speak. So I reiterated my question, I made an effort to articulate and polished my American accent. I got the same answer and I just couldn’t get it. It must have seemed obvious to the lady who got down from her high stool and came to our table to tell us: “Well I promised I wouldn’t tell you, but the two Anglo couples who were sitting there had a problem in their family, they prayed about it and the problem was solved. So they wanted to share their blessing and paid for your meal!”
What about that?
I promised I would never be shy blessing the table in public and so should you.

The San Luis Valley

Instructors Interview: How Did You Meet?

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Maria's Story: In my junior year of college, I spent the Spring semester in Fiesole - just outside of Florence, Italy. There was a small group of students on the program, many like me were studying Art History, and we all enjoyed our time together in this amazing place. We called ourselves the "Villans" - giving a humorous nod to the beautiful Tuscan villa where we studied and most of us lived. 
However, I lived with a host family nearby as did my friend Phil.
Toward the end of our semester, Phil's mom and brother and sister came to visit. Phil invited me and a few others to join them for dinner. 

That evening, we met at the Villa.

The Villa

As cliché as it may be, when I first saw Phil's brother Dan, it was love at first sight. We chatted away while walking through Florence and even managed to share our meals with each other at the restaurant. He was only visiting for a few more days, and we kept trying to run into one another. The evening before he left we all went out dancing and then to a cafe where we talked and talked until we missed the last bus and Dan had to walk me to my host family's home. I remember the intensity of Springtime in Italy as we made our way along the stone streets - the heady scent of wisteria blooms, the warmer evening, it was even the height of the Hale-Bopp comet! 

http://www.universetoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/comet.jp

I found Dan fantastically handsome with his longish curly hair, and his great sense of humor had me laughing till my sides hurt. He was a snowboard instructor in Colorado and seemed to reflect the relaxed freedom of the American West. I also remember thinking he was so intelligent because he remembered a court case that he studied in law school regarding my hometown of Youngstown, Ohio.
But of course his visit was at an end and I still had to finish classes. Dan started making phone calls to his brother and then at the end of the conversation he would ask if I was around. We also kept in touch through some primitive e-mail and of course when I returned from Italy, I made my way out to Colorado to see him again! 

Dan's Story: I moved to Colorado in October of 1995, hoping to teach snowboarding at Beaver Creek. In my second season of teaching, my brother Phil was studying abroad in Italy as a junior in college. Before my dad passed away in 1990, my family had traveled to Italy a few times and it had always been fun. However, I never knew the language. This spring of 1997, my family planned to travel to Fiesole, near Florence, to visit my brother Phil. To prepare for this trip, I studied from a book at the library to learn Italian. My brother teased me that I wouldn't know anything, but I was pleased with my progress.

Fiesole, Italy

I was only in Italy for 6 days. Maria and I can't seem to remember which day we met, but it was special. We were at the Villa, which was beautiful. And my family was staying at the convent very close by. Maria taught me a small part of a piano duet. She was unbelievably beautiful, wonderful, and intelligent. Somehow we managed to share some time together, and even pizza and pasta, which we had to share diagonally across a table of eight or ten people, since we didn't get to sit together, although we really wanted to!
Following my return, I called my brother Phil at the Villa for the first time. Then I asked for Maria! Through God's grace we are here today together with our seven children. And it's still hard to share dinner together across the table of nine people!

2012: Maria and Dan's seven children

 

Insturctors Interview: How did You Meet?

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Swim Dork Meets Band Geek by Amber and Greg

It was the year of 1996. Greg Perzinski had finished his first year at Mesa State College in Grand Junction, CO and received a measly $600 scholarship to go to the University of South Dakota (USD) and swim. I, Amber Mason was fresh out of high school and planned to attend USD with a whopping $300 scholarship in music. Obviously we both could be bought with peanuts, but hey, a scholarship is a scholarship, right?

University of South Dakota

In August, we both arrived a week earlier than the rest of campus to start our reason (swimming and band) for choosing the school. Greg found swim buddies on his dorm floor and went to practices twice a day. I found band friends on the same dorm floor and neither of us really bumped into the other. We were on the same co-ed dorm floor, with very few people, since no one else needed to arrive yet, and didn’t notice each other…crazy!

One of the gems of the campus was the Newman Center just down the street, and that is where Greg first noticed me. During the part of mass where everyone takes a moment to shake hands and give peace to everyone around, is when he realized that a cute girl was sitting right behind him. Quickly, in his mind, he went through the check list. Fresh breath – check, combed hair- check, clean shirt – check. For the remainder of the mass I took note that Greg’s posture was suddenly straighter and no longer slouching! Well, Mass came to an end and much to Greg’s delight the cute girl sitting behind him was walking to the same dorm as him. Greg ran up and joined me and another lady.

So we found out that we lived across the hall and a few doors away from each other. We made similar friends on the dorm floor and life was good. We went to church with another couple every Sunday and actually attended other activities with the church at other days of the week (which was rather strange for Greg, whose family rarely stayed for the whole sending forth hymn).

About a month into school, I was taken aback by another guy on the floor who had taken interest in me, but I knew it wasn’t the type of guy I should be with. We dated for a few weeks and even though we were together, it never discouraged Greg from getting to know more about me. Greg usually stayed away from other girls who were already in a relationship, but for some reason, it didn’t seem to scare him away this time.

After a sad break up with the less-than-satisfactory guy, everything went back to normal. Greg and I both got new roommates to make the living conditions better. It just so happened that our new roommates were dating and Catholic. So Greg and I had more time together. One time, I walked by a room where Greg and his swim buddy, Dave, were talking. I overheard Dave say, ‘If you don’t ask her out, I’m going to do it for you!’ Later that evening, after hanging out and chatting, Greg got the courage to ask. ‘Will you go out with me?’ Having a ‘blonde’ moment, I thought… ‘out on a date’ so I said, ‘Sure!’

A week went by with little interaction. Greg and I were both busy with classes, swimming, and band. Then one day, I was with some of their friends and Dave asks, ‘So where is your boyfriend?’ I think… ‘Boyfriend, what boyfriend? … Oooooh!’

So the date was set and came up. Greg and I climbed into Greg’s Nissan pick-up with a vinyl bench seat and no A/C, and started out down the interstate. 

We were both from small towns. Greg from Rock Springs, WY which has a population of 20,000 and I am from Sleepy Eye, MN which has less than 4000! This restaurant was in Sioux City, IA. So needless to say, we got lost…at night! As we were driving around we saw a Perkins but that wasn't the restaurant we wanted for our first date. We drove and drove and saw nothing but closed buildings and bars so we went back to Perkins.

A year later, we were still together (despite having had our first date at Perkins) and for our first anniversary date we managed to find the restaurant this time! Garfield’s it was called. Inside, each table was covered with a large sheet of paper on the table for coloring while waiting for the food…classy, very classy. Well worth the wait.

 

Instructors Interview: How did you meet?

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Christian and Christine (from Christian's side)
As an International Business student, I had been working for the previous four years at the opera in Montpellier, France. It was a unionized place that allowed students to work there, for a meager pay.
In 1974 I still had two more years to go to complete my masters degree. The Fundamental Physic Group in Berkeley was reviving the Quantum entanglement theory, and Uri Geller was psycho/psychic binding forks and spoons. Peace and Love was still the motto in student circles.
That afternoon, after less than a couple of hours of work at the Opera, I was stuck in there with nothing to do, but as union dictates whether you have work to do or not you have to stay for four hours.
To my great surprise and for the only time in my six years there total, the boss came to me and asked me to keep for two hours the art gallery hosted in the Opera, for double pay.

“Sure,” I said, “no visitors and nothing to do? I can handle that.”
He was wrong; I had one visitor. I was diligently looking at the pictures in Time Magazine, and here came my one and only guest.

November 74 issue

She got all my attention: young, very young, and cute. I immediately noticed the American clothing, deep America I should say. Long brown hair, an out of place look, and an unfamiliar accent. I thought she was Canadian at first; I quickly learned that she was from Burgundy, France, just back from the States.
Small talk, invitation to join me at 6:00 pm to go to the student cafeteria across the Opera for dinner (I wasn’t paying for her dinner).
She was very nice, easy to talk to, happy to have somebody to talk to, fun, innocent. After dinner I showed her the old city. 

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I could feel that she wasn’t 100% at ease with a 22 year old wolf preying on a young demoiselle in the dark streets at night. 

Only when I left her at her bus did we exchange our names!

We didn’t exchange addresses, nor phone numbers, there was no next appointment. It was as if we knew we’d just meet again because it was meant to happen.
Just like it was meant to happen that we had met that afternoon….
What we didn’t know, though, is that we were going to spend the rest of our lives together, have five daughters, experience a strong conversion and come back to the Church, have ten grandchildren and counting, and dedicate our lives to the Lord! Wow.
We traveled to many countries together, left everything behind to follow our calling, left our job, house, relatives, friends, and finally our country to work exclusively with engaged couples, funny, huh?
We didn’t see that coming but we are sure very happy it happened.